The Lies I’ve Told Myself

Have you told yourself any lies lately, based on something someone said-Raise your hand if you’ve ever taken a personality test.

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There are so many out there. I think one of the most common is the Briggs-Meyers test. I took it several years ago and, if I can remember correctly, I was an ISTJ. I don’t even remember what all the letters stood for but I do know the first one. Introvert.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. I don’t mind being alone and I do things by myself all the time. Sitting in a restaurant by myself—no biggie. But in the big picture, I love being around people. I like being in a class situation where participants are encouraged to participate in discussion. And I’m good at it. I don’t have to run home and recharge myself after being among a large group of people, as the “introvert” is known to do.

I thought back to my high school and college years. Yes, those were a long time ago. I was a social butterfly, flitting from one group to another, part of none but friends with all. I’m still that way. To be honest, there are a lot of cliques out there. I’m just not one to fit in. I guess because I hate exclusion by or of anyone. And you would think, being grown-ups it wouldn’t be that way, cliquish, I mean. But there they are. I’m not intending to put them down. It’s just the way it is.

I’ve had best friends along the way and, with life situations, they’ve changed or I’ve changed and my best friends aren’t the same best friends I had. I’ve also been in a best friend trio a few times. Still am. And, as always, the other two seem to do more together than them and me. Mainly, I think, because they have grandkids and family nearby and I don’t. And I’m okay with that. I still love doing things with them, being together.

I’m getting real honest here. I like doing things with others or I can do things by myself. What I don’t like is being with a lot of people and feeling alone. I am a quiet person in a crowd (except in the aforementioned class situation.) I don’t like small talk. I would rather talk about things that matter.

I have become introvert-ish because of circumstance. My husband is a home body. Would rather be home than anywhere else. My daughter, who is probably my best friend in the world for all time, lives several hours away.That is why I do things by myself a lot. I guess I could call someone to join me in my goings but I do things largely on impulse and that doesn’t often work for others. I don’t have a problem with crowds unless it is really noisy. Then I need the quietness of being alone.

So, this is who I am. I AM NOT AN INTROVERT (by choice) but neither am I an extrovert. I am sensitive to others. I fly by the seat of my pants a lot. Would love to be organized but mostly not. I retired from teaching but not from learning. I love knowledge. I, typically, don’t analyze myself but sometimes it’s necessary to get where I want to be. I am loyal, faithful, caring, careful, friendly, focused.

I am a favored daughter of The Most High God and am called to worship Him and seek His will, to make a difference my part of the world with everything I do and say. A child of the King.

Who are you?

Join me soon to see what else I’ve learned from my “Un-resolution”.