Years ago, when I was a much younger woman there was a small group Christmas party I attended. We had a white elephant gift exchange where each person got to choose which package they wanted, including the one someone else just opened. There was a book that all the women were anxious to get called Seasons of Friendship. I think I may have ended up with it in the end but I believe it was read and shared. I seriously don’t know who wrote it or much of what it said. I only know that I’ve gone through many of those seasons of friendships.
And when you get to the end of a season of friendship, most times it ouches. Sometimes worse than others. And then sometimes it’s just a smooth transition.
A few years back, the church I was attending got a new associate pastor. He and his wife moved down and I was excited to meet his wife because we were close to the same age and I had just finished another one of those seasons. The problem was that her job kept her so busy that we didn’t get time to really know each other and then they were gone again.
Sometimes friends go through relational changes that have nothing to do with you, like marriages or divorces. Those changes tend to change the dynamics of friendships too. And, like the potential friend I spoke of earlier, some move away.
What I think is the most difficult of all is those who stay around but things in their lives change, situations come up and they are no longer available. Just when you think you’re developing something meaningful, everything gets put on hold. You don’t blame anyone for the unpleasant feelings. It’s just life. It happens that way.
And to be honest, I sometimes have a party when they’re gone. A great big party. A great big pity party. You, too? I wish seasons of friendship changed like the real seasons gently moving from one to another and back again. With beauty in all seasons, in all colors and shades.
The only way seasons of friendship could change like that is maybe if I renamed them. But they do reflect the seasons. There are some that are full of blooming things and fresh air much like a friend I had in college. She was in love with life and spread her joy around. You couldn’t help but want to be around her.
Some are sunny and intense like a summer day in the south. This one friend was a couple of years younger than I. We did so many fun, and funny, things together. But I moved on to marriage after college and we just lost touch.
Some are like watching leaves float to the ground. That would be my sister. Thankfully, we’re still friends. These are the ones you just like to spend time with, no matter what.
Some are still and quiet like fresh fallen snow. This brings to mind a friend who used to teach on the same campus as I. Although she was passionate about life and teaching and the kids, things were mostly low-keyed. She said what needed to be said in a way that was never boisterous. Then one year, she and her family moved away to other jobs. We stayed friends for a while but, as with others, distance makes things difficult.
Others are just like a hurricane blowing through and you don’t really know what things are going to look like when it’s over. One friend in particular shared a lot of laughs with me and we spent a lot of time together. Until we didn’t.
Some stay around longer than others. Some don’t last long at all. There are some that come back every once in a while, like a holiday.
But of all the friendships that I’ve lived through, I wouldn’t change a thing. I love all those who’ve come and gone. I love the ones that are still here. I am grateful for the two best friends I could ask for who are both now at a physical distance away or planning to be soon, but we are intentional about getting together for a girls’ trip at least once a year.

I am grateful for the two friends I’ve had since we were just babies. Yes, that’s a very long time and definitely a blessing. Although we’ve grown apart during the years, we still love and care about each other. We’ve all three gone through great losses the past couple of years and have cried with each other and held each other up with prayer and, sometimes, hospitality.
I have learned something from all of them and being with them has changed me into who I am today—better. You know how it is. Friendships teach you about life and love and what family is all about. And loving God.
I just hope that I, too, have passed something on to them to make them better people. And I hope they all know that I love them.
Sorry for such a long post. And SAPPY! I’ll try not to let that happen again. But it was something that’s been on my heart lately and I thought I’d share.
My daughter mentioned how difficult it is to find and keep friends as an adult. But the ones that remain friends are only there because you and they have been intentional about keeping the friendship alive. I’ve gotten through every season and I’m still going. Maybe that will be encouraging for you. And that would make this long post worthwhile.